[ Static, Needle Scratching Record ]
^^^^[ Rockabilly Beat ]
[ Man ] ^^ Yeah ^^
^^ Yes, I've never been to Graceland ^^
^^Never took that trip ^^
^^^^[ Continues Singing, Indistinct ]
^^No, I never been to Vegas 'cept once on a plane ^^
^^I never left the airport ^^
^^Ain't goin'back again ^^
^^ Yes, I've never been to Graceland ^^
In Jailhouse Rock, he was everything rockabilly's about.
Nah, nah. I mean, he is rockabilly.
Mean, surly, nasty, rude.
In that movie, he couldn't give a fuck about nothin'. It's, like, rockin' and rollin',
livin' fast, dying young and leaving a good-lookin' corpse.
^^Some people said he's crazy ^^^^
I watched that hillbilly, and I would wanna be him so bad.
Elvis looked good.
I mean, I ain't no fag, but Elvis was prettier than most women, you know ?
Most women.
You know, I always said if I had to fuck a guy--
you know, I mean, had to-- if my life depended on it--
I'd fuck Elvis.
- Really ? - Well, when he was alive. Not now.
Well, I don't blame you. So we'd, uh, we'd both fuck Elvis.
It's nice to meet people with common interests, ain't it ? Yeah.
Well, enough about the King. How 'bout-- How 'bout you ?
How 'bout me, what ?
How 'bout you go to the movies with me tonight ?
- What are we gonna see ? - A Sonny Chiba triple feature.
The Street Fighter, Return of the Street Fighter and Sister Street Fighter.
- Who's Sonny Chiba ? - Who is Sonny Chiba ?
He is, bar none, the finest actor working in martial arts movies today.
You wanna take me to a kung fu movie ?
Three kung fu movies.
I don't think so. Not really my cup of tea.
Ah, all right.
[ Police Sirens Wailing, Distant ]
[ Woman ] I had to come all the way from the highways and byways of Tallahassee, Florida...
to Motor City, Detroit, to find my true love.
If you gave me a million years to ponder,
I would never have guessed that true romance and Detroit would ever go together.
And to this day, the events that followed all seem like a distant dream.
But the dream was real and was to change our lives forever.
[ Siren Wailing ]
I kept asking Clarence why our world seemed to be collapsing...
and everything seemed so shitty, and he'd say,
''That's the way it goes.
But don't forget.' It goes the other way too. ''
That's the way romance is. Usually, that's the way it goes.
But every once in a while, it goes the other way too.
[ Thunderclap In Movie ]
My heart beats, and there's time.
[ Both Grunting ]
[ Thunderclaps Continue ]
[ Man Growling On Screen ]
[ Man ] Don't move, Tojo. You'll be unconscious soon through lack of oxygen.
- It's an ancient technique. - [ Man #2 ] An oxygen--
^^^^[ Dramatic Orchestral ]
[ Gasps ] Oh, look what happened. Oh, God, I'm so sorry.
- That's okay. I'm fine. - You okay ?
Oh,Jesus. I'm the clumsiest person in the world.
It's all right. Accidents happen.
What a wonderful philosophy. Thanks for being a sweetheart,
'cause you could've been a real dick.
- [ Man On Screen ] Come on. Ready? - [ Man #2 ] Yes.
Larry, where are we going ?
- [ Dialogue Continues, Indistinct ] - [ Thunderclaps ]
Look, we don't know what's going to be coming next.
- You mean,you're scared? - Aren't you ?
Hey, laundromat clothes!
- Mind if I smoke ? - No, no.
Listen, do you mind filling me in on what I missed ?
- [ Dialogue Continues ] - No, no. Um--
Let's see. Uh, that guy up there, that's Sonny Chiba.
- [ Woman ] The Oriental? - [ Man ] Yeah. The one in black.
- Want a Goober ? - Uh, no-- Yeah.
- In the beginning of the movie, he was hired to get this guy-- - You've got popcorn all over you.
Thanks. That's all right.
- Is he supposed to be a good guy? - Uh, well,
he ain't so much a good guy as he is just a bad motherfucker.
He gets paid by people to fuck guys up, you know ?
- [ Karate Yells ] - You came to see three kung fu movies ?
- Sure. Why not ? - Nothin', nothin'.
It's just you're a girl after my own heart, that's all.
- Do you know what time it is ? - It's about 1 2:00.
I suppose you gotta get up early, huh ?
No, not particularly. How come ?
It's just after I see a movie, I like to go get a piece of pie and talk about it.
It's sort of a little tradition I have. Do you like to get pie after you see a good movie ?
Yeah, I love to get pie after a movie.
Would like to go get some pie with me ?
Yeah, I'd love some pie.
[ Man ] ^^In my life ^^
In that movie, he didn't give a fuck about nothin'...
except rock 'n' roll, livin' fast, dyin' young and leavin' a good-lookin' corpse.
Enough about the King. How about you ?
- How about me, what ? - Tell me-- Tell me about yourself.
What do you wanna know ?
Well, for starters, uh, what do you do, where are you from, what's your favorite color,
who's your favorite movie star, what kind of music do you like,
what are your turn-ons, your turnoffs ?
I guess the big question is do you have a fella ?
Okay. Ask me again, one by one.
- What do you do ? - I don't remember.
- Where are you from ? - I don't know.
- What's your favorite color ? - I don't know. Black ?
- Who's your favorite movie star ? - Burt Reynolds.
- You want a bite of my pie ? - Yes, I would. A little one.
All right. Oop. You all right ?
- It's good. You like it ? - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- What kind of music you like ? - Phil Spector. Girl group stuff like ''He's a Rebel.''
What are your turn-ons ?
Mm, Mickey Rourke. A man who can appreciate the finer things in life, like sugar.
Elvis's voice, kung fu, pot.
- Turnoffs ? - Turnoffs.
- Mm-hmm. - Persians.
Do you, uh, have a fella ?
Ask me that one a little bit later.
In a theater full of empty seats, why did you sit by me ?
'Cause you looked like a nice guy.
So I had to dump my popcorn all over you.
I'll get the check. Where to next ?
- Can I peek ? - Don't peek. Keep your eyes shut.
All right ? All right. I'm turnin' the lights on.
Okay. Open 'em.
Oh, wow ! Wow, what a swell place to work !
Yeah, it's pretty cool. I got the keys, so I just come in, read comics, play music.
- You worked here a long time ? - Almost four years.
- [ Whistles ] That's a long time. - ^^^^[ Sound System.'Ballad ]
I know, but it's not so bad. I mean, I'm pretty friendly with most of the customers,
so I just hang out, you know, bullshit, read comic books.
- You get paid a lot ? - Uh, no. That's where the trouble comes into paradise.
But the boss, he's a pretty nice guy. He lets you borrow money from time to time.
[ Man ] ^^ To be lonely ^^
- You wanna see what Spider-Man number one looks like ? - You bet.
Just great stories, great characters, beautiful artwork.
See, in this one here, Nick, he's gotten this ring for his sweetheart,
and he wears it around his neck on a chain.
And later on in the story, he gets in this fight with this Nazi bastard.
And the Kraut, he grabs ahold of the chain. The ring goes overboard.
- ^^But I just don't know ^^ - Nick, he dives into the ocean to get it.
- ^^^^[ Continues, Indistinct ] - Isn't that cool ?
- ^^Haven't you heard ^^ - ^^Haven't you heard ^^
^^ Guess we're just two wounded birds ^^
^^Now we're both here ^^
^^And we're alone ^^
^^ We still don't know ^^
^^ What it takes Oh, girl ^^
^^ We wanna feel love ^^
^^ We're just so scared ^^
^^I know we've got nothing ^^
- ^^But haven't you heard ^^ - ^^Haven't you heard ^^
^^I guess we're just two wounded birds ^^
^^ Oh, we wanna say it ^^
- ^^And can't find the words ^^ - ^^ Can't find the words ^^
^^I guess we're just two wounded birds ^^^^
^^^^[ Vocalizing ]
- ^^^^[ Fades ] - [ Sirens Wailing, Distant ]
[ Dog Barking, Distant ]
What is it ? Are you cryin' ? What'd I do ? Did I do somethin' ?
- You didn't do nothin'. - What is it ?
I have something I gotta tell you.
I didn't just happen to be at that theater. I was paid to be there.
You were paid to be there ? Are you a theater checker ? You get paid to check up...
on the box office girls, make sure they're not ripping the place off?
I'm not a theater checker. I'm a call girl.
- You're a whore ? - No, I'm a call girl, and there's a difference.
Here it goes. You know the place you took me last night, the place you work ?
- Heroes for Sale ? - You got a boss, right ?
- Yeah. - What's his name ?
- Lance. - That's him. He called the place where I work.
He ordered a girl for you. He said he wanted you to get laid,
seein' you didn't get out much and it was your birthday and all.
He wanted me to act like I just showed up. How did he know you were gonna be at that theater ?
Uh, well, I go to the movies every year on my birthday.
In fact, he called me up this week to find out what my birthday movie was gonna be.
- You're not mad ? - No, man.
I can't tell you-- That's one of the best times I ever had. It was.
I knew something must be rotten in Denmark. There was no way you could like me that much.
I can't tell you how relieved I was when you took off your dress, you didn't have a dick.
Stop being so fucking calm about all this ! Go look in your house !
There's a note on your TV. It says ''Dear Clarence,'' 'cause I couldn't write any more.
So I just said, ''Alabama, come clean and just tell him what's what.
And if he tells you to go back to Drexl and fuck yourself, then go back and fuck yourself.''
- Drexl ? What's a Drexl ? - Please shut up ! I'm trying to come clean, okay ?
I've been a call girl for exactly four days, and you're my third customer.
I want you to know that I am not damaged goods.
I'm not what they call in Florida ''white trash.'' I'm a really good person.
And when it comes to relationships,
I'm 1 00%%--
I'm 1 00%% monogamous.
- You stay with one guy ? - Exactly.
If I'm with you, then I'm with you, and I don't want anybody else.
Now, I gotta tell you something else. When you said last night...
was one of the best times you ever had, did you mean physically ?
Well, yeah. Yeah, but I'm talking about the whole night.
I mean, I never had as much fun with a girl as I had with you in my whole life.
It's true. You like Elvis. You likeJanis.
You like kung fu movies. You like The Partridge Family.
- Star Trek. - Actually, I don't like The Partridge Family.
That was part of the act.
Clarence-- and I feel really goofy saying this...
after only knowing you one night...
and me being a call girl and all--
but I think I love you.
Wait a second.
Look, I've been tryin' to keep this whole thing in perspective.
You just said you love me. Now, if I say I love you and just throw caution to the wind...
and let the chips fall where they may, and you're lyin' to me, I'm gonna fuckin' die.
I'm not lyin' to you, and I swear from this moment forth,
I'll never lie to you again.
- Whoo-hoo ! Well, hello, Mrs. Worley. - How do you do, Mr. Worley ?
- Top of the mornin' to ya, Mrs. Worley. - Bottom of the ninth, Mr. Worley.
- By the way, have you seen your lovely little wife today ? - Are you speaking...
of my beautiful, charming, sexy wife, Mrs. Alabama Worley ?
-Why, are there any others, Mr. Worley ? -No. None for me. No.
- No. No. - Yes. Yes.
^^^^[ Rock ]
-^^It's a nice day for a white wedding ^^ -[ Alabama ] Excuse me.
Do you think you could turn down the heat just a teeny bit ?
^^It's a nice day to start again ^^^^
'Bama, I gotta ask you a question. Who and what is a Drexl ?
- Shh. - Huh ?
- He was my pimp. - You had a pimp ?
- I was a call girl. Call girls have pimps. - Was he black ?
He thinks he is. He said his mama was an Apache, but I suspect he's lyin'.
- Is he nice ? - [ Laughs ] I wouldn't go so far as to call him nice,
but he treated me pretty decent.
I was only there for four days. He got a little bit rough the other day.
- What do you mean ? With you ? - No. My friend Arlene.
- What did he do to Arlene ? - Slapped her around a little bit, kicked her.
- It was pretty scary. - This motherfucker sounds beautiful.
What'd you do to end up with a son of a bitch like that ?
^^^^[ Pulsating Rap ]
- What you motherfuckers talkin' about ? - Floyd say he don't be eatin' pussy.
Drexl, shit. Any nigga say he don't eat pussy is is lyin'his ass off.
- I heard that. - Hold on a second, Big ''D.'' You sayin' you eat pussy ?
Yeah, motherfucker. I eat everything. I eat pussy. I eat the butt.
- I eat every motherfuckin' thing. - If I ever did eat some pussy--
I would never eat any pussy, right ? But if I did eat some pussy,
I sure as hell wouldn't tell no-goddamn-body about it.
- I'd be ashamed as a motherfucker, man. - Nigga, you smoke enough Sherm,
your dumb ass'll do a lot of motherfuckin' things.
You'd be up in there suckin' niggas' dicks !
- Oh. - Yo, man ! Fuck you guys !
- You guys is fucked up. - Yo, yo, why you trippin' ? We just fuckin' with you.
In fact, I'm gonna show you what I mean with a little demonstration.
Toss me the burner.
- ^^^^[ Rap Continues, Indistinct ] - All right. Peep this.
Pretend it's that fine centerfold bitch.
Know what I'm sayin' ? And you're you.
^^ You say it ain't tough I got ya I can't get enough, Get it ^^
^^ Get it, get it ^^
^^ Get it ^^^^
^^^^[ Grunting To Beat ]
- [ Yelling In Japanese ] - [ All Grunting ]
[ Imitating Karate Yells, Explosions, Japanese Dialogue ]
- [ Man Yelling On Screen ] - Ooh ! [ Imitates Explosion ]
- Honey, where are you going ? - Bathroom.
- [ Shouting, Explosions Continue ] - ^^ [ Humming ]
-Johnny ! - [ Alabama Responding In Gibberish ]
- [ Gasps ] Oh. - [ Man ] ^^I'm so lonely ^^
^^I'm so lonely ^^
^^I'm so lonely I could die ^^^^
- Well, can you live with it ? - What ?
- I said, can you live with it ? - Live with what ?
That son of a bitch walkin'around, breathing the same air as you,
gettin'away with it every day.
- Are you haunted? - Yeah.
- You wanna get un-haunted? - Oh, yeah.
Well, I'd kill him, shoot him in the face,
put him down like a dog.
-I can't believe what you're tellin' me. -I'm just sayin' what I'd do.
- You'd do that ? - Fuck don't deserve to live.
[ Exhales ] Look, he's hauntin' me, you know ? I mean,
I do wanna kill him, but I don't wanna spend the rest of my life in jail.
- Hey, man, I don't blame you. - If I thought I'd get away with it--
Get away with it ? Killing's the hard part.
Gettin' away with it, that's easy. You think a cop gives a fuck about a pimp ?
Listen. Every pimp in the world gets shot.
Two in the back of the fuckin' head. Cops'd throw a party, man.
As long as you're not at the scene of the crime, smokin' gun in your hand,
you'd get away with it.
Clarence, I like you. I always have.
Always will.
[ Breathing Heavily ]
[ Sirens Wailing, Distant ]
- 'Bama. - Where are you goin' ?
I need you to write down your former address.
- Why ? - Well, so I can go over there and pick up your stuff.
Oh, baby. Come on, Clarence. I just wanna disappear from there.
Look, 'Bama, I know he scares the shit out of you, but I'm not scared of that motherfucker.
You are completely out of his reach. He poses no threat to you.
If he doesn't matter, which he doesn't, it would seem silly-- you to lose all your things.
- Now, that's all. - Shh. Listen.
- You don't know him. - No. You don't know me,
not when it comes to shit like this.
I need to do this. I want you to know that you can count on me to protect you.
Come on. Please. Just write it down.
- This isn't a good idea. - I tell ya, it's gonna be fine.
I'll be in and out of there.
- Be careful. - I will.
- I love you. - Love you too.
^^^^[ Pulsating Techno Beat ]
- You want something ? - Hey. You Drexl ?
- No, man. I'm Marty. - Well, I wanna talk to Drexl.
- What the fuck you wanna talk to him about ? - It's about Alabama.
^^^^[ Continues ]
^^^^[ Man Rapping, Indistinct ]
He was askin' about Alabama.
- Where the fuck is that bitch ? - She's with me.
- Who the fuck are you ? - I'm her husband.
Well, that makes us practically related.
You have a seat, boy. Grab yourself a'egg roll.
We got everything here from a Little-Eyed Joe to damned if I know.
No, thanks.
''No, thanks'' ? What that mean, hmm ?
-I think you're too scared to be eatin'. -[ Snaps Fingers ]
Now, see, we're sittin' down here, ready to negotiate,
and you've already given up your shit.
I'm still a mystery to you, but I know exactly where your white ass is comin' from.
See, if I ask if you want some dinner and you grab a' egg roll and start to chow down,
I say to myself, this motherfucker, he's carryin' on like he ain't got a care.
And who knows ? Maybe he don't.
Maybe this fool is such a bad motherfucker, he don't got to worry about nothin'.
He just sit down, watch my motherfuckin' TV.
See ?
You ain't even sat down yet.
Man, that TV over there-- Since you been in the room, there's a woman with her ''breastuses''...
hangin'out, and you ain't even bothered to look.
You just been clockin' me.
I know I'm pretty,
but I ain't as pretty as a couple of titties.
[ Laughs Mockingly ] Ooh, wee! This child be fierce.
I'm not eatin' 'cause I'm not hungry. I'm not sittin' 'cause I'm not stayin'.
I ain't lookin' at the movie 'cause I already seen it seven years ago.
It's The Mack. Max Julian, Carol Speed and Richard Pryor.
I ain't scared of ya. I just don't like ya.
In that envelope right there is some payoff money. Alabama is movin' to greener pastures.
We're not negotiatin'. I don't barter. What's in that envelope is for my peace of mind.
My peace of mind is worth that much, not one penny more.
It's empty.
Marty, you know what we got here ?
Motherfuckin' Charlie Bronson.
Mr. Majestyk ?
Lookie here, Charlie.
None of this bullshit is necessary. I don't got no hold over Alabama.
I was just tryin' to lend the girl a helpin' hand.
- [ Yelling ] - [ Onlookers Screaming ]
[ Man Screams ]
- Come here, you mother-- - [ Screams ]
[ Grunting ]
This is what you get...
if you fuck with me, white boy !
Talkin' that smack in front of my motherfuckin' freaks !
Shit, motherfucker ! Your ass gotta be crazy !
[ Panting ]
You must've thought it was white boy day, huh ?
- It ain't white boy day, is it ? - No, man. It ain't white boy day.
Shit, man. You done fucked up again. Huh ?
[ Clarence Grunts ]
Well, well, well. Lookie what we got here.
''Clarence Worley'' ?
It sounds almost like a nigger name. And I know where you live.
4900 1 60 Street, apartment 48.
And I make a million-dollar bet that Alabama is at the same address.
Marty, take the car. Go get her. Bring her dumb ass back here.
- I think I'll keep lover boy here entertained. - Roxanne, where's my jacket ?
- Hey, Roxanne! - Hey, Marty, what the fuck are you doin' ?
- I gotta find my jacket. - Look in the fuckin'hamper.
- [ Gunshot ] - [ Women Screaming ]
Drexl ?
You ! Get a bag and put Alabama's things in it.
Wanna get fuckin' shot ? Get a bag and put Alabama's things in it.
I just did you the biggest fuckin'favor of your life!
Open your eyes. I said, open your fuckin' eyes !
You thought it was pretty fuckin' funny, didn't you ?
Well, fuck you ! Fuck you, you piece of shit !
Don't fuckin' move !
I was selfish. I know I was selfish.
I was, but I was carrying your child.
[ Woman On TV] Please don't leave.
And if I told you--
I killed him. Want a hamburger or somethin' ? I'm fuckin' starvin' to death.
- Is this a joke ? - No joke.
Mmm. That's probably the best goddamn fuckin' hamburger I ever had in my entire life.
I've never had a hamburger taste this good.
Come on. Eat something. You'll feel better.
[ Woman On TV] You and I had this one night.
What the fuck you cryin' for, huh ? Huh ?
I mean, Christ, he's not worth one of your tears.
Would you rather it have been me ? Is that it, huh ?
Is that what you want ? I mean, do you love him ? Do you love him ?
I said, do you fuckin' love him, huh ?
- I think what you did wa-- - What ? - I think what you did...
- What ? - was so romantic.
- Yeah. - [ Gasps ]
- Oh, baby, you're bleeding. - Yeah.
I got your things right here.
- Clean clothes. - Uh-huh.
- I love you. - I love you.
There's a God.
Ohh.
[ TV Chatter Continues ]
The-- These aren't my clothes.
^ A little bitty tear let me down ^
^ Spoilin' my act as a clown ^
^ I was all made up not to frown ^
^ But a little bitty tear let me down ^
^ A little bitty tear let me down ^
^ Spoilin' my act as a clown ^
Rommel, where are you ? Come here. Come on, boy.
Get in here. You get in here now. Get in there. Go on.
[ Man On Radio ] ^^ You said you were leavin'tomorrow ^^
^^ That today was our last day ^^
^^I said there'd be no sorrow ^^
^^ That I'd laugh when you walked away ^^
- [ Horn Sounding ] - ^^A little bitty tear let me down ^^
^^Spoiled my act as a clown ^^
^^I had it made up not to make a frown ^^
^^But a little bitty tear let me down ^^^^
Good mornin', Daddy. Hey, Rommel.
Long time, no see, huh ? Oh, yeah. Good boy. Good boy.
Now, you're gonna have to excuse the place.
I haven't been exactly doin' a lot of entertainment...
of company as of late.
I'm sorry if I seem a little tense,
but you're the last person in the world that I expected to see this morning.
That's okay, Dad. I tend to have that effect on people.
You, uh,you got anything to drink around here ? I'm dyin'of thirst.
There should be-- There should be a 7 UPin there.
Anything stronger ? Probably not. Beer ? You can drink beer, can't you ?
I can, but I don't.
Yeah, that's about all I ever eat.
- ^^^^[ Woman Singing On Radio ] - Excuse me. [ Laughs ]
Hello, hello, hello. I'm his father.
- How are you ? - That's all right. I'm his wife, Alabama Worley.
- Pleased to meet ya. - We got married.
- [ Laughs ] - Yeah.
Well, lover, why don't you be a sport and go get us some beer ?
You want some beer ? I mean, if you want some, it'll be here.
All right ? Where is there a liquor store around here ?
There's a party store down on 54th Street.
Get a six-pack of somethin' imported.
Hard to tell you what to get, 'cause different places have different things. Here.
- That should cover it. Okeydokey. - Okeydokey, Doggy Daddy.
Okay.
[ Rommel Whimpers ]
Ain't she the sweetest goddamn thing you ever saw in your whole life ?
I mean, she-- she a four-alarm fire or what ?
- She seems very nice. - Nice ?
Daddy, ''nice'' ain't the word. I mean, this girl, she's a peach, you know ?
She even tastes like a peach.
You can tell I'm in love with her, can't you ?
No. Wait. I gotta talk.
Clarence, sit down, shut up.
You're givin' me a fuckin' headache.
I mean, you're so much like your mother I can't believe it.
You're your fuckin' mother through and through. I haven't heard from you in three years.
You show up all of a sudden at 8:00 in the morning.
You walk in here like a goddamn bulldozer.
And don't get me wrong. I love you. I'm glad to see you.
But slow it down, man.
All right ?
- ^^^^[ Radio.' Continues, Indistinct ] - Now,
when did you get married ?
Daddy, uh...
I'm in big fuckin' trouble.
I really need your help.
No, no, no, no. Stop talking.
- What do you want from me ? - What ?
What do you want from me ? Stop acting like an infant.
You're here because you want me to help you in some way. What do you need from me ? Money ?
- No. You still have friends on the force ? - Yes, I still have friends.
Well, then, could you just find out if they know anything about us ? I don't think...
they know shit, but I don't wanna think: I wanna know for sure.
- You could do that, right ? - What makes you think that I could do that ?
- 'Cause you were a cop. - But what makes you think that I would do that ?
- 'Cause I'm your son. - Oh, you're my son.
Oh, you got it, huh, all worked out, don't you, huh ?
- Oh, yeah. - Look. I mean, goddamn, I have never asked you for a goddamn thing.
ButJesus fuckin' Christ, after Mom divorced you, did I ever ask you for anything ?
No, I didn't. When I wouldn't see you for a year and a half to two years,
did I ever get in your shit about it ?
And that whole fuckin' time you were drunk, did I ever get mad and point my finger at you ?
No, I never did. Everybody else did, but I didn't.
Now, look. I just need help, and you can fuckin' help me, all right ?
Now, I'm basically a pretty resourceful guy. If I didn't need it, I wouldn't ask.
I mean, if you wanna say no, then fine, forget it.
Don't worry about it. No problem. I'm goin'. All right ?
[ Horn Honking ]
The Virgin's back !
Thank God. I could eat a horse if you slapped enough ketchup on it.
- I didn't get you any chicken. - Well, how come ?
Honey, it's too early in the morning. It's only 9:00.
Son of a bitch.
- Dick Ritchie. Dick Ritchie ! - That's me. I'm me.
- Come inside. - Okay.
Sit. Sit, sit, sit.
Now, the part you'll be reading for is one of the bad guys.
- There's Brian and Marty. - Who ?
- Is there a problem ? - No. No.
Peter Breck has already been cast in the part of Brian.
So you'll be reading for the role of Marty.
In this scene, you're both in a car,
and Bill Shatner is hanging on the hood.
What you wanna do is get him off.
All right. I'm Marty.
- Ready ? - Yeah. Okay.
I'm driving. Okay.
- Where the fuck did he come from ? - I don't know.
- He just appeared like magic. - Well, don't just sit there.
Shoot him.
Get him !
Thank you, Mr. Ritchie. I'm very impressed. You're a very fine actor.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
- We'll let you know. - Okay.
- Okay, one-handed. - One-handed. There we go. Oh !
- [ Laughing ] - Then the other one there.
Here comes the train.
Well, they found nothing.
In fact, they think it's drug related.
Uh, drug related ? Why drug related ?
Well, apparently, Drexl had his big toe stuck in that shit.
- Really ? - Drexl had an association with a fellow named Blue Lou Boyle.
- Name mean anything to you ? - No.
Well, if you don't hang around his circle, no reason it should.
- Why ? Who is he ? - Gangster, drug dealer.
Somebody that you don't want on your ass. Now, look, Clarence,
the more I hear about this Drexl fucker,
the more I think you did the right thing.
This guy wasn't just some wild flake.
No, man. That's what I was trying to tell you before.
The guy was like a mad dog.
So, the cops, they don't think-- They're not after us.
No. Until they hear something better,
they'll just assume Drexl had a falling-out with Blue Lou.
And once you leave town, I wouldn't even worry about it.
Thanks a lot, Daddy. You really came through for me.
I got some money I could give you.
No. Keep it. Keep it.
Well, now, son,
I want you to know that, uh,
I hope everything works out with you and Alabama.
I like her.
And I think you... make a real cute couple.
Yeah, well, now, you-- you stay out of trouble.
Hmm ?
Remember, you got a--you got a wife to think about now.
Quit fuckin' around.
Son...
I love you.
- All right. - All right.
This is my friend Dick Ritchie's number and address in Hollywood.
That's where we're gonna be.
You can get in touch with me through him.
Come on, Alabama. We're taking off. Kiss Pops good-bye.
Bye, Daddy. Hope to see you again soon.
Hey ! Hey ! What kind of smackaroo is that ?
- We'll send you a postcard from Hollywood, all right ? - Alabama.
- Yes, sir ?
- Take care of that one for me. - Don't worry, Daddy.
- I'm gonna keep this fellow on a short leash. -As the sun sets...
slowly in the West, we bid you a fond farewell.
- [ Alabama ] Bye, Daddy ! - See you later, Pops !
Son of a bitch was right.
She tastes like a peach. Come on, Rommel !
Come on, boy! Come on! Come on!
[ Ringing ]
Hello.
- Hello, baby ! - [ Man On Radio ] Hello, baby!
- Clarence ? - You got it.
Clarence, it's great to hear from you. What's going on ?
- Well, you are gonna be seeing me shortly. - You're coming to L.A. ? When ?
Uh, tomorrow.
There is a story behind all that. I will tell you when I see you.
And by the way, I ain't gonna be alone. I am bringing my lovely wife.
Get the fuck out of here. Clarence, you got married ?
- I'm a married man, buddy. - ^^ Chantilly lace ^^
I'm a married man. You wanna say hello to my better half? Come here.
- Hi, Dick. This is Alabama Worley. - How you doing, Alabama ?
Hi. Clarence told me all about you. He said you were his best friend.
- So I guess that makes you my best friend too. - Tell him we gotta go.
- Clarence says we gotta be going. - Can I speak to Clarence ?
- Ask him if he got the letter. - Did you get the letter ?
- What letter ? - What letter ?
- Letters. - Letters.
- I didn't get any letter. - Has he gotten his mail yet ?
- Have you gotten your mail yet ? - Well, no. My roommate Floyd--
- Has he looked through it ? - Have you looked through it ? No.
Tell him to go look through it.
Go and, uh-- Go look through it.
Wait. Can I speak to Clarence, please ?
- He wants to talk to you. - No time. Tell him we gotta go.
- No time. Read the letter. - Read the letter.
Tell him I love him. Tell him as of tomorrow--
- He loves you. Honey, hold this. - All right.
- As of tomorrow, all of his money problems... - As of tomorrow,
- are gonna be over. - all your money problems are gonna be... over.
Hello ? What money problems ?
Hello ? Hello ?
^^ You know what I like ^^
^^ Chantilly lace and a pretty face ^^
^^Aponytail hangin'down ^^
^^A wiggle in the walk and a giggle in the talk, Lord ^^
^^Make the world go 'round ^^
Floyd, you used up the last piece of toilet paper !
^^Make me act so funny Make me spend my money ^^
^^Make me feel real loose like a long-necked goose ^^
^^ Oh, baby that's-a what I like ^^^^
Hey ! Hey ! Rommel !
Hey, come here ! Rommel ! Rommel !
Frankie, tell Luca to go outside and do you know what.
[ Speaking Italian ]
Do you know who I am, Mr. Worley ?
I give up. Who are you ?
I'm the Antichrist. You got me in a vendetta kind of mood.
You tell the angels in heaven you've never seen evil so singularly personified...
as you did in the face of the man who killed you.
My name is Vincent Coccotti. I work as counsel for Mr. Blue Lou Boyle,
the man your son stole from.
I hear you were once a cop, so I can assume you have heard of us before.
- Am I correct ? - I've heard of Blue Lou Boyle.
I'm glad.
Hopefully, that will clear up the ''how full of shit am I'' question...
you've been asking yourself.
We're gonna have a little ''Q' and ''A.''
And at the risk of sounding redundant,
please make your answers genuine.
You want a Chesterfield ?
No.
I have a son of my own, about your boy's age.
I can imagine how painful this must be for you.
But Clarence...
and that bitch of a girlfriend of his brought this all on themselves.
I implore you not to go down that road with them.
You could always take comfort in the fact you never had a choice.
Look, I'd like to help you if I could, but I haven't seen Clarence.
- You see that ? - Ah, shit !
- Fuck ! - That smarts, doesn't it ?
To get slammed in the nose.
Fucks you all up.
You get that pain shooting through your brain. Your eyes fill up with water.
That ain't any kind of fun.
But what I have to offer you, that's as good as it's gonna get.
And it won't ever get that good again.
We talked to your neighbors. They saw a Cadillac.
Purple Cadillac.
Clarence's purple Cadillac, parked in front of your trailer yesterday.
Mr. Worley, you seen your son ?
- I've seen him. - I can't be sure...
of how much of what he told you, so...
in the chance you're in the dark about some of this,
let me shed some light.
That whore your boy hangs around with,
her pimp is an associate of mine.
Among his pimping and other affairs,
he works for me in a courier capacity.
Well, apparently,
that dirty little whore found out we were gonna do some business...
'cause your son, the cowboy, and his flame...
came into the room blazing and didn't stop...
until they were pretty sure everybody was dead.
What are you talking about ?
I'm talking about a massacre.
They snatched my narcotics.
Hightailed it out of there. Would have got away with it,
but your son, fuck-head that he is,
left his driver's license in the dead guy's hand.
- You know, I don't believe you. - That's of minor importance.
What is of major fucking importance is that I believe you.
Where did they go ?
On their honeymoon.
I'm getting angry asking the same question a second time.
- Where did they go ? - They didn't tell me.
You just wait a minute and listen to me.
I haven't seen Clarence in three years.
He shows up yesterday...
with a young girl, saying that he got married.
He asked for, uh,
some quick cash to go on a honeymoon.
He asked me if he could borrow $500.
I felt like helping him, so I wrote him out a check.
We went to breakfast in the morning.
And that's the last I saw of him,
so help me God.
They never thought to tell me where they were going.
And I never thought to ask.
No !
Don Vincenzo. [ Speaking Italian ]
[ Italian ]
You know, Sicilians are great liars.
The best in the world.
I'm Sicilian.
My father was the world heavyweight champion of Sicilian liars.
From growing up with him, I learned the pantomime.
There are 1 7 different things a guy can do when he lies to give himself away.
A guy's got 1 7 pantomimes. A woman's got 20.
A guy's got 1 7. But if you know them like you know your own face,
they'd beat lie detectors all to hell.
Now, what we got here is a little game of show-and-tell.
You don't wanna show me nothing, but you're telling me everything.
I know you know where they are, so... tell me...
before I do some damage you won't walk away from.
Could I have one of those Chesterfields now ?
Sure.
You got a... match ? No. Wait. No, no.
Don't bother. I got one.
- You're Sicilian, huh ? - Yeah. Sicilian.
[ Chuckling ] You know...
I read a lot,
especially about things-- about history.
I find that shit fascinating.
Here's a fact I don't know whether you know or not.
Sicilians were spawned by niggers.
Come again ?
No, it's-- it's a fact. Yeah. You see, uh,
Sicilians have, uh,
black blood pumping through their hearts.
If you-- If you don't believe me, uh, you can look it up.
Hundreds and hundreds of years ago, uh, you see, um,
the Moors conquered Sicily.
And the Moors are niggers.
You see, way back then, uh,
Sicilians were like, uh, wops from northern Italy.
They all had blond hair and blue eyes.
But, uh, well--
then the Moors moved in there, and...
well, they changed the whole country.
They did so much fucking with Sicilian women...
that they changed the whole bloodline forever.
That's why...
blond hair and blue eyes became black hair and dark skin.
You know, it's absolutely amazing to me...
to think that to this day, hundreds of years later,
that-- that Sicilians...
still carry that nigger gene.
Now, this--
No, I'm quoting history.
It's written. It's a fact. It's written.
- I love this guy. - No.
Your ancestors are niggers. Huh ?
Hey.
Yeah.
And-- And your great-great-great-great- grandmother...
fucked a nigger.
Yeah. And she had a half-nigger kid.
Now, if that's a fact, tell me,
am I lying ?
'Cause you--
you're part eggplant.
Huh ? Hey, hey, hey.
You're a cantaloupe.
That's beautiful.
I haven't killed anybody...
since 1 984.
Go to this comedian's son's apartment.
Come back with something that tells me where that asshole went...
so I can wipe this egg off my face.
Fix this fucked-up family for good.
Hey, boss.
Get ready to be happy.
[ Man On Radio ] Morning, everybody. It's 6.'22 here in L.A.
I'm David Perry at K.B.L.U.
^^^^[ Rock ]
[ Knocking ]
[ Alabama ] Hello ? Hi.
[ Knocking Continues ]
- [ Alabama Speaking, Indistinct ] - Floyd.
Floyd. Can't you answer the door at least for me ?
Oh, man, I didn't even hear it.
- [ Banging ] - Hello ?
- You can't help me out every now and then ? - Hi.
Yes.
- You call for a date ? - Huh ?
- Hey ! - I knew it was you ! How you doing ?
- Dick, this is Alabama. Alabama, this is Dick. - Nice to meet you.
- How long have you been living here ? - Hi. I'm Alabama.
- Clarence,you look good. - This is a great place. This is nice.
I'm starving. Let's get something to eat. Who's this ?
- [ Dick ] It's Floyd. - [ Clarence ] Floyd. Let's go.
Okay, Floyd, watch yourself. Be careful.
Hey.
[ Screaming ]
^^^^[ Rock Continues ]
Hey, I didn't tell you guys yet ?
I had this really, really good audition for T.J. Hooker the other day.
- You're gonna be on T.J. Hooker? - Yeah. It's the new T.J. Hooker.
- Knock on wood. - You get to meet Captain Kirk ?
Well, you don't get to meet him in the audition.
But if I get the part-- Hope, hope.
- That would be amazing. - It would be cool. It would be a real--
Meeting Captain Kirk, that would be cool.
Here we are.
- [ Horn Honks ] - Oh !
The honeymoon suite.
You're really in love, aren't you ?
Very first time in my life. You know what that's like ?
No.
- Nah. - Shut the fuck up. Hey.
What are you doing in L.A. anyway, huh ?
Holy Mary, Mother of God.
This shit can't be real.
- It'll get you high. - What ?
- I said, it'll get you high. -[ Alabama ] Hey, we got cable.
- You want some wine, sweetheart ? - Yeah,just a little bit.
I'm not much of a wine gal.
This stuff is fucking real. This is fucking real, Clarence.
- I certainly hope so. - You've got a hell of a lot of cocaine here, man.
- I know. - Do you realize how much fucking coke you have here ?
No. Tell me.
I don't know, but it's a fucking lot.
This is-- This is Drexl's coke ?
No, Drexl's dead, you see. It's Clarence's coke.
And Clarence, he can do whatever he wants with it.
What Clarence wants to do is to sell it.
Then me and 'Bama, we're gonna jump a jetplane and spend the rest of our lives spending it.
You got my letter? You lined up buyers for me ?
- Listen, Clarence, I'm notJoe Cocaine, okay ? - You're an actor.
I hear these Hollywood guys get it delivered to the set all the time.
Well, they do, all right ? They do.
And maybe one day, when I start being a successful actor, I'll be like one of those guys.
But until that day, I ain't got nothing.
I don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out. All I got is fucking Floyd.
If you want me to help you sell a little bit at a time, that's all I can do.
No, no. None of that little-bit-at-a-time shit.
It's got to be the whole enchilada in one shot, and that's the way it's gotta be.
Clarence, do you have any idea how difficult that's gonna be ?
What the fuck are you talking about ?
I'm offering half a million dollars' worth of white for 200 grand. That's difficult ?
Very difficult. That's very difficult, do you understand ?
It's difficult because you're selling to a particular group.
Fat cats. Big shots. Guys who can afford $200,000.
And guys who can use a whole fucking suitcase full of cocaine.
Basically, Clarence, guys I don't know.
And guys you don't know. And more importantly, they don't know you.
Come on, Dick.
Okay, Clarence. Listen.
There's one guy that I know that can help you out, Clarence,
but... I'm not guaranteeing you anything.
Is he big league ?
No. He's not big league. Okay ?
But he works as an assistant to a very big movie producer named Lee Donowitz.
Lee Donowitz could afford and can use...
$ 200,000 worth of coke,
- being that that's what you have. - So what did you tell him ?
What the fuck you expect me to tell him, huh ?
I didn't know what the hell was bullshit and what wasn't.
And besides, Floyd smoked the second page of the letter. Okay ?
What's this acting class guy's name ?
Elliot.
Elliot what ?